On the Premise that *All* Humans are Sexual Beings
by Ameria
Summary: The gang run across a beautiful pool in the mountains- aw, heck. The title is enough to get readers, anyway.


Thanks goes to Rocky (http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=84970) for discussing this idea with me, and encouraging me to write it, and to Icka (http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=137578) for inspiring the original idea (I just took it in a different direction,) which she did much better with than I did!  
  
I don't own Slayers. Trust me, they are thrilled.  
  
*  
  
Lina and Ameria relaxed--  
  
ZEL: Woah, woah, wait a minute.  "Lina and Ameria?"  
  
ME: Well, I couldn't put Ameria's name first.  Lina would have maimed me.  
  
ZEL: I don't care about you.  I mean "Lina and Ameria?"  This is sounding suspiciously close to the format of your damn tattoo story...  
  
ME: ::beams::  ::concerned look::  Why don't you go wave your sword up and down some.  You're muscles seem a little thinner than usual.  
  
ZEL: ::surprised::  You think so?  ::hurriedly leaves::  
  
Ahem...  As I was saying...  
  
Lina and Ameria were relaxing at the side of a deep, cool water hole up in the forested mountains.  It was mid-summer, and the sun was bright and hot.  They had already donned their suits and spent time play fighting in the chilly water that streamed down from the snow caps, expending all of their energy (for the moment, at least) and making their thick hair absolute disasters.  Gourry had joined them, of course, and Zelgadiss had spent his quality time sitting on the bank and looking grouchy while secretly stealing glances at Ameria.  Now Lina and Ameria had settled down by the side of the water, and a little way away from the guys, for some girl talk.  
  
"I still prefer fighting fist-to-fist.  It gives the opponent a better chance."  
  
"Why would ANYONE want to give the opponent a better chance?!  The sooner his head is detached from his body, the better for me!" Lina replied.  
  
"But the opponent has the right to a fair chance!" Ameria said, holding a fist up in a display of spirit, "Especially when faced with magic!"  
  
"Bah.  I look out for me, and if that means I blast peoples' guts all over the road unfairly, so be it."  
  
"That is not very just, Lina-san," Ameria said, putting her fist back down.  "Gourry is still enjoying the water," she observed.  "He has a great body, don't you think?  Nice muscle-tone."   
  
Lina glanced skeptically over at Gourry.  "Eh.  It's reasonable."  She looked back at the branches above her.  Ameria glanced slyly at her.  
  
"I bet he would be good in bed..."  
  
"AAAAAGH!"  Lina jumped on Ameria and began to shake her shoulders.  "Never give me a mental image like that!" she shrieked.  
  
Ameria fought back, laughing.  "You know you like it."  
  
"No I don't!"  
  
"A mental image like what?"  Gourry called from the pool.  Lina froze.  
  
"Oh, we were just thinking of Lina in a wedding dress," Ameria chimed.  Gourry chuckled and muttered something about girls before he began examining the rocks in the pool again.  
  
"Tonight, at midnight, you die," Lina said, pointing at Ameria.  Ameria smiled up at her, and she got off and went to lie back down.  "And Zel's body sucks," she said, trying to get vengeance on Ameria.  Ameria was unexpectedly quiet, and Lina glanced over at her.  She looked like she was in deep consideration.  "And what are /you/ imagining, Ameria?" she asked, grinning triumphantly.  
  
"Hm?  Oh, I was just thinking about Zelgadiss and how much he seems to hate his body," Ameria said.  Lina looked disappointed.  
  
"Is that all?  You're so boring."  
  
"He doesn't even think he's human, does he, Lina-san?"  
  
"Nah, he's an idiot," Lina confirmed lazily.  Ameria was quiet for a few more moments.  "Still thinking about Zel?" Lina said.  "Can't you think of something more fun?"  
  
"Mmm...  Maybe I can show him that he's human."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
*  
  
Zelgadiss was staring dully at the little waterfall that fed the pool, wishing that this new torment would end soon.  He felt like he had been sitting here in the hot sun for an eternity and a half.  Perhaps he would--  
  
"Wheeee!  I'm naked!"  
  
Zel's thoughts were very succussfully interrupted.  He whipped his head around towards Ameria's voice, then howled with pain as the sudden extreme movement pulled a muscle.  Ameria (with bathing suit on) beamed up at Zelgadiss as he clutched his neck.  She bounced out of the pool, calling on a healing spell.  "See, Zelgadiss-san?" she said, applying the spell to his neck, "You are human!" 


End file.
